Alright, so everyone’s yapping about rhubarb these days. You know, “the amazing benefits,” “what it does for you,” all that jazz. I figured, okay, let’s see what this fuss is all about. I’m always up for trying stuff, especially if it’s meant to be good for you, or at least interesting.
I heard a bunch of things:
- Some folks say it’s great for, well, keeping your pipes clear, if you catch my drift.
- Others talk about it for all sorts of other little boosts.
- And then there are the pies. Can’t forget the pies, though that’s probably not what they mean by “功效与作用” (efficacy and functions).
So, I decided I’d get my hands on some. Seemed simple enough, right? Maybe plant some, or just buy it. That was my plan, anyway. A simple plan. Famous last words.
My first stop was my neighbor, old Mr. Henderson. He’s got a garden that’s his pride and joy, a real jungle of everything. I thought, “He’ll know about rhubarb. He’ll probably have a whole patch of it.”
So, I moseyed over. “Mr. Henderson,” I said, “thinking of getting into rhubarb. What’s your take on it? Good stuff?”
And that’s where my simple plan went completely off the rails. Did he tell me about rhubarb? Oh, in a way. He started talking, alright. But not about its “efficacy” or “functions.”
First, it was about the slugs. Apparently, the slugs this year are a special kind of menace. He spent a good ten minutes on slug defense strategies. Then, it moved on to the council’s new green bin policy, which, according to him, was a disaster for compost, and therefore, a disaster for potential rhubarb growth, if one were to even consider it with the current slug situation.
Then, somehow, we got onto the topic of his nephew who visited last spring and “didn’t know the first thing about honest work,” which then led to a rant about how “young people these days” wouldn’t know rhubarb if it bit them on the nose. Which, I guess, is true for some.
I tried, a couple of times, to steer it back. “So, the rhubarb itself… is it easy to grow?”
“Easy?” he scoffed. “Nothing worthwhile is easy, son! Especially with this blasted weather we’ve been having. Not like the old days. Back then, you could practically throw seeds on the ground and get a harvest. Now? You gotta coddle everything.”
An hour later, I knew a lot about Mr. Henderson’s opinions on local politics, the declining quality of garden gnomes, his ongoing feud with a squirrel he named “Bandit,” and the proper way to sharpen shears. But about the actual effects and functions of rhubarb? Zilch. Nada.
I eventually excused myself, nodding and agreeing that yes, Bandit the squirrel was indeed a problem for the whole neighborhood. My head was spinning a bit. I just wanted to know if rhubarb was good for my digestion, and I ended up in a deep dive into the existential angst of a suburban gardener.
So, my “practice” with rhubarb’s功效与作用? It turned into a lesson in neighborly patience and the unpredictable nature of simple questions. I still don’t have any rhubarb, by the way. And I’m a bit scared to ask anyone else. Maybe I’ll just stick to reading about it online, from a safe distance. Or maybe I’ll just forget the whole thing and have some prunes. At least with prunes, you know what you’re getting into, without a lecture on the socio-economic impact of rogue squirrels.
